Life in Lockdown an' why Hoomans don't have tails 28 April 2020
- Samson and Delilah
- May 6, 2020
- 3 min read
Updated: May 7, 2020
Hi Folks in Blogland, we is Samson and Delilah Pups wot is looking for forever homes, but livin’ temporary on the wild exotic island of Corfu. We do hopes you don’t mind us keep writing stuff as life in lockdown can be very boring and we have to give The Missus sum work to do apart from following us aroun’ all day wiv a mop an’ bucket. Wot is that about?
We finks hoomans are weird. We has realised they aren’t normal cos they haven’t got no tails. They have 4 legs but only walk on 2 of them. Wot is that about? How do they cock their leg to go for a pee? In fact do they pee or poo at all? We don’t know. If they haven’t got tails how do we know if they are happy? How do they greet each uvva? Well that’s weird too. Sumtimes they kiss each uvva on one cheek or 2 cheeks, or shake hands but now they is not ‘llowed to do this cos of a virus thing. We know a poem about that…
Come with us to a far off land, Where cuddles and kissing is banned, Where hand washing’s the norm, An’ it’s really bad form To walk on the beach in the sand.
Where staying at home is the rule, Which to humans seems quite cruel, They prefer to work Not stay home and shirk, And even the kids can’t go to school.
But Hoomans be of good cheer. Though of the virus you live in fear, You will no doubt beat it, Applied science defeat it, And then you can party all year.
Hoomans should at least be able to sniff each uvvas bums but they don’t seem to want to do that. So the weirdest thing is they curl their lips back and show their teeth to greet people or to make others see they are happy. They take pics of themselves with their teef bared and share them on Facebook. That is outright aggression. No wonder hoomans can’t get on wiv each uvva. ‘Cos we are small an only babies, the big dogs Algy and Bertie don’t like us and they just lift up one corner of their moufs and show one huge canine toof an’ we know straight away that they don’t like us and we keep away. Yet the hoomans show all their teef an then expect us not to be frighted of them. Such bizarre behaviour. If dogs did this all the time no hooman would like them. So why do hoomans do this? It’s weird.
Probably even weirder is this fing where hoomans take selfies an’ post them on Facebook but their moufs are contorted into kiss type things like they have just eaten a lemon. They think it looks cute but it makes us feel sick. Why do they do that? No one knows.
Wot we know is hoomans an’ dogs are condemned to live their lives together for better or worse, and we, wot is the underdogs, have to accept all the weird stuff that hoomans do and make allowance for their behaviour. That way we get fed, taken for walks, and live a life of ease while they go out every day for long hours to hunt and bring food home for us.
Life could be worse.
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